Ben Santos, the guy I met at a soiree I didn’t think would matter so much to me up until this day. Words will never be enough to express my thankfulness in having known Rick and Morty and my interest in hiphop. I never would have known things like these would have brought us closer to one another.
Ben was an introvert, the type that is extremely exclusive towards others and is picky with people. And somehow, I’ve found my way to break down his walls and get him to open up to me. He still is an introvert.
Ben used to like hiphop. Back when he did, he had short hair, so short it just slightly touched the tip of his ears. He was so immersed in black culture and everything about it. He wrote his own verses and sent over recordings of his beats I so happily replayed over and over again. A few months have passed and his hair grew longer, his music taste has changed. His hair falls on the back of his neck, long enough for me to grab onto when we make out heatedly. He was into acoustic and indie music. It’s kind of hard to describe, but the kind of songs with unique guitar riffs and a change of chords that rang a certain way to the ears. He learned how to play the guitar over a few days, and I used to watch over video calls. I was so happy being his audience over the phone, just listening to him getting frustrated over messing up the chords, and rejoicing over getting them right.
Spending time with Ben is my favorite thing to do. Walking alongside him makes you feel like the world is moving in slow motion. That’s cheesy of me to say, but it’s difficult to put it in any other way. You lose track of time. You lose awareness of your surroundings. You forget that 30 minutes have already passed, it feels as if it just happened in a blink of an eye. But at the same time, the time you spend with one another also feels like eternity. You are able to have your own time and space, together in your own world separated from the rest. It’s a feeling difficult to encapsulate in words, it is something made only to be felt. Forgive me for attempting to limit it to prose.
The way he holds my hands just evokes a different kind of feeling. I used to feel butterflies in my stomach before, my chest dropping to my gut has happened before, my heart skipping a beat has happened before. But not quite in this way. It feels almost as if it was meant to happen. Like everything just fell into place without us knowing. It feels almost like second nature to fall into his arms and get lost in an embrace.
The thing about liking someone is, the feeling is different every time. You can’t completely compare these feelings to one another. However, one thing I can say about each time I’ve ever liked someone is that I have never liked anyone this much. Each of those instances, although different, had something in common. In this situation, however, it is immensely and completely one of a kind.
Most times, I find myself looking at him in complete awe. I usually carry a smile on my face and give off a soft laugh. I wonder why I do that though. Is it my relief in knowing I have found a safe place in this world? Someone I can get completely lost in? Is it my way of professing gratitude to God (if ever there is one) for making someone with the perfect mix of attributes? Or is it just my reaction to that moment in time, a bolt of happiness words will never be able to take down?