I love this artist. Dim Lights is my absolute favorite. 

The new year has been great so far. Except for the fact that dad didn’t allow me to go to EvSem… and that he extended my groundedness to the end of January. Before that though, he said that it’s until further notice. Good thing mom spoke to him though.

Honestly, I don’t really understand what else he wants me to learn. Does he think that putting me on a leash will make me learn more things? Or is this just consequence for what I did? What else is there for me to learn? I’m only actually affected by it because I’m at home and not at school. When I’m back to school, things will go back to normal and I will forget I was ever grounded.

I want to be able to drive by myself already though. It would be nice to have my own time and do my own things, without having to consider someone else. But then Maxi’s schedule is pretty cool. She ends late on Tuesdays and Thursdays, which means I could just hang out with friends after class.

I drove the whole day today and it felt nice. I’m trying to have a more positive outlook on life and just make the most of what I can do. I hope I won’t miss so much by missing evsem. I really wanted to go but talking to Ysa made me feel so much better about not being able to go and still making friends. I’m happy I still have a lot more to look forward to in the remaining semester. I will try my best to keep my grades up high so I can become a deans-lister this coming sem.

I want to leave home. I want to have my own life. I guess I’ll understand things when I’m a bit older. Is this unreasonable? Or does it all make sense in the end? I just hope things go back to the way they were before. I might want to get myself checked. I end up crying and breaking down during random times of the day.

I am crying again. I am so tired of this.


happy? – mudvayne

i just wanna escape. i don’t really wanna feel anything rn. like yea im kinda disappointed dad didn’t allow me to go out with ben tomorrow after my immunizations but then it’s kinda my fault because i expected him to. since when would his mind even change, right? im so upset because im freaking 18 already and he still doesnt allow me. i was supposed to be in college a year ago and i couldve had a boyfriend and all that shit that he conditioned to be for college only. what difference will a month make? i know in a month ill be able to hang out with whoever i want to but really… its summer and im not doing anything. are you for real?

Peel me from the skin
Tear me from the rind
Does it make you happy now?

Tear meat from the bone
Tear me from myself
Are you feeling happy now?

man i just wanna live my life HAHA im so tired of getting napapahiya with other people na when i keep turning them down. my fault maybe for thinking this time it wouldve been different.