April 27 2015 / 1:12 pm
Did you know that you never hurt me? You never did. Not once. You were so careful with your words, you treated me like the most precious thing in the world. Did you know that you appreciated me to the fullest? Your words & assurance were more than enough to make me stay an entire lifetime. Did you know that your voice is my comfort? Your arms are my shelter? Your presence is my home? I wish I could tell you all these things but I guess, you will never know. And that isn’t your fault, but mine. I should have been honest since the start.
You are the guy that I will never get over. You made me the happiest. You taught me the most. You cared for me and protected me the most. You never did anything wrong. You never cheated on me, disappointed me, hurt me. I don’t know how I’ll be happy without you in my life. I know I won’t.
God has sent you in my life to help me, to rekindle the relationship I once had with my dad. Thank you for being my guardian angel, my protector, and my lifeguard. You have been there since the start and I’m so thankful for your patience and understanding. We talk everyday, you know everything about me. I know everything about you. Everything I see in this world reminds me of you. You make it a better place. And I wish I could just turn back time to make things right in the first place. I wish I could have found a way that would be easier for the both of us. I’m sorry things didn’t work out, and it was all my fault.
You make me the happiest. I really do love you. It’s not a joke. It’s not something I say just to make you feel good. I’m sure of it, 100%. It’s 12:04pm and I’ve been crying since 8 am. I miss you terribly already. This is not a good feeling – being away from you. I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything about it. That I couldn’t fight for you. That I couldn’t lie some more. You knew what the right thing to do was. You knew it and we picked it. Even if that meant we weren’t to see each other again.
What matters is, we did what’s right. And to me, that’s a big deal. I was supposed to marry you. Spend my entire life with you. Have kids with you. Baby, you’ll always be my first true love. Thank you for showing me what it’s like to be selfless, caring, loving, and everything anyone could ever ask for. Thank you for showing me what it’s like to show yourself bare to someone, and give them all the universes ever existing.
One day, when I find myself with someone new, I’ll repeat these words. “I could’ve been happier.”