It’s already mid-November, why am I still wishing you’d show up on my door step, arms wide open, asking me if you could take me out?
Jesus, just when I thought I was finally over you. I guess I was wrong. Last Monday, riding home from Mom’s place, Joel decided to drive by New York St. since the road humps there were lesser compared to Amsterdam’s. I figured you’d be there – and when I saw your car parked, I was right.
I looked into the entrance of the store, and there you were – in between the doorway, facing my way, almost as if you were fixing your gaze to the window, it was almost as if behind the tinted window, you saw my eyes – the same eyes that have lusted for you for so long.
I ignored the fact that you were there, for I didn’t bother to pass by or drive my bike to where you were. I was too full of myself and repeated in my head that when we see each other, it should not be intended – to see if the signs really lead to you & I, if things are meant to be.
So I let them.
The afternoon came and Tita Lisa and Tintoy asked me if I wanted to join them watch Jacob’s basketball came (he was playing for Merville). At first, I wanted to go. But then since I was eager on finishing Forbidden by Tabitha Suzuma and agreed with myself to bike when the sun set, I declined the offer. 5 pm came; I was finished with the book and had no motivation whatsoever to bike. No one was home, no one could join me. So I just indulged in some Facebook videos.
Around 6 pm, Tita Lisa messaged me on Viber. “You should have came,” the first message read – and I already knew what was to follow, “Your boy is playing for Merville, next game!” Jesus! Second time in a row. I’m beginning to think it’s fate’s way of telling me that maybe we really aren’t meant for each other. But a tiny voice in my heart is telling me this is just a tease for something – at this point, anything really.
Today, it is a Thursday. I have just arrived from La Union (not to mention, a 5/6 hour car ride home) at around noon, and Jake had a game this afternoon. The day before, I was already conversing with Car regarding my action plan for the game. And I decided to go this time.
5:00 pm. The game started. No sight of the Juniors Division Merville basketball team just yet, but I’m guessing you would come when Jake’s game is about to finish. 4th quarter, you have still not arrived.
Your game was already starting, and my heart was already wishing that in any minute now, you would barge in the door with your neon yellow colored jersey and a dufflebag hanging by your shoulders. Your game was already starting, and I could hear the pieces of my heart that is now shattering, wishing that as I exit that door, I bump into you as you greet me with a subtle smile. Your game was already starting, and I was there, in the bleachers, more than excited to cheer you on for the first few minutes of your game. Your game was already starting, and you did not arrive.