Unfinished Business

She is my unfinished business. We were never together, but it surely felt like we were. There was something about her that set her to that certain state of ‘almost’. She was my dead star, still bright and shining, yet so far away and impossible to reach. But the thing is, I’m already happy now. I’m perfectly happy in my current relationship but why is it that I must always return to the thought of you? That at least once in a while, her name will pop out of nowhere and my mind will suddenly go bizurk with all the thoughts rushing through it? No, no. What am I thinking? I must set myself to only one path. That is the path without her. She was a disease, a severe case of endless hoping. But soon, that disease treated itself. I wasn’t hoping anymore.

She is my unfinished business; and she must remain that way.

Ang Pagkakaiba ng Minsan Lang Naman at Minsan Nalang

May mga minsan sa buhay ko na nakakalimutan ko, mayroon ding mga minsang hindi.

Minsan lang naman ako’y napapatigil sa gawa ko sa bawat panahon na maririnig ko pangalan mo. Minsan lang naman nagiging matamlay ako tuwing naaalala ko yung mga ginagawa natin. Minsan lang naman ako naluluha sa pag-iisip sayo at kung ano man ang dapat na nangyari s’ating dalawa. Minsan lang naman ako’y nanghihinayang sa tinig ng boses mo, na ngayo’y naririnig ko na lamang sa pamamagitan ng isang recording. Minsan lang naman nararamdaman ko ang butas sa puso ko, tuwing ang mga nakaw tingin ko ay sinasalo nalang ng hangin. Minsan lang naman napapatanong ako, Paano kung sinabi ko nalang ng mas maaga? Paano kung, paano kung, paano kung? Sa ngayon, minsan nalang kita naaalala. Minsan nalang kita iniisip. Minsan nalang kita minamasdan. Minsan nalang ako’y nakakaintindi kung bakit hindi nagtapo ang mga mundo natin. Minsan nalang kita sinusulatan, pinapaginipan, napapagusapan. Minsan nalang kita hinahanap.

Pero ang pinakamadalas kong minsan, ay ang minsan kong pagmamahal sayo.

And this is why I don’t write in Tagalog.